A Day in the Life of Carl Johnson
by Thoth the Monkey
Summary: It was 1993, and things were fine for the residents of SA. Except for fundies under government siege, some security guards in LC, and a homophobic Asian nurse. CJ x Katie no lemon. Just warm coffee . Apologies for grammar mistakes and bad dialogues.


**A Day in the Life of Carl Johnson**

**Los Santos, 1993**

CJ woke up at dawn in Santa Maria Beach. He did jogging and swimming, enjoying the San Andrean sun. The flat on Santa Maria was his favorite safe house – safe, clean, and convenient with wide parking area.

He was a man who's got all and yet still could be alone. All his soldiers were nameless bodyguards who were ever present, but none became a hanger-on. He didn't have interest to live near his man Madd Dogg on the hill, and he was happy to share thrones with Sweet in Grove Street and Woozie in SF and Venturas. They needed bodyguards around them, but CJ always took care of himself. But as the whole state knows, he was invincible.

Madd Dogg was back to fame, Rosie and the Brits should be fine in staying out of trouble, and the garage was making money in San Fierro. Finally, after the riot he had arranged peace talk between the 'hoods and the Korean shop owners (who were targeted despite no relations at all to the police or the gang war), and both parties were agreed for mutual respects. So now it's all peace and order in Los Santos.

CJ rode his special Number 46 PCJ-600 to the gym and spent the morning there, and then having a meal at Pizza Stack. His mind was on Denise – perhaps he should visit the girl today. He went to Ganton but Denise wasn't at home. Then his phone was ringing.

"Wassup?"

"Carl, friend. This is The Truth. Do you see the news?"

"Do I ever?"

"Alright, great. Don't. The more you see, the more you're brainwashed. Listen, I have a favor to ask,"

"No man. Don't ask me to steal from the government again. I don't need money now and I'm cool with 'em."

"No, no. Not the government. Listen, this sounds crazy, but this time I might be _with_ the government,"

"You do? Good on ya,"

"Okay, let me cut this short. Carl, there are fundamentalists holed up in the farmland. The same place from where you got the harvester. But the people there are now worse. They are in war with government and they have the heavy arms. Few days back they killed some government agents and now we have a standoff there,"

"Okay. So what's this got to do with you? Or me?"

"What's this got to do with me is, at the time when the government is supposedly just go in there in force, they are just holding a siege around the compound. Jesus, Carl…if they are worried about 'women and children', they didn't seem worry about 'women and children' in Panama, Cambodia, or Kent State University,"

The Truth took a breath and continued, "The longer they wait, more bad karma are released to the air, man. More people might get sympathetic with these fascists. I want the whole circus to stop know. You know about Jim Jones? That psycho gave bad name to Kool-Aid. Kids now think of Kool-Aid as a poison, not as the medium to great trips. If these fundies are turned out to like…hemp, for example, then we'd have serious hemp image, Carl!"

"Eh. If the government can't do shit about 'em, what am I supposed to do?"

"I know you can do something, Carl. You're magic. You're above the system. Please help me out here. No, please help the Mother Earth from more bad karma." Then The Truth thought of something. "Come on, man. You're missing the adventures, right? You want to make more miracles, I know that!"

"Alright, yea, I'd like to kick some ass now and then. Deal, I'll make your day,"

"You're the universe, man. Cool. O yeah, NSA, if you're listening to this, then maybe you should do better things than monitoring us, fuckers."

Carl knew what to do. He put his bike in the Johnson's House garage, grabbed a car, and drove to the airport. From there he took a Dodo and flew to his airstrip at Verdant Meadows.

The airstrip was still well-maintained by Toreno's men. The other day he talked with Carl and said that the war was not over. It had moved on to the next stage, against shadowy enemies more dangerous than the commies. Mike was convinced terrorists would hit Liberty City soon.

CJ grabbed his Hunter attack helicopter and flew southwest. At sunset he arrived at his target. CJ rained the compound with rockets and heat-seeking air-to-ground missiles, added with machine guns for good measure. After the compound was covered in flames he left, before the gaping jaws of government agents below shocked by the abrupt and violent end to the siege. Now they didn't need military reinforcements – they needed ambulances, coroners, and firefighters.

By the time CJ landed, Mike Toreno had caught the news on TV. "Shit, more SOBs like him in the Army and we'll own Somalia," he chuckled.

The phone was ringing when CJ left the chopper. It was Katie.

"Hi CJ honey. Listen, I feel want to puke here. The poofs are having their lovefest here and it's making me sick. I need to get out of town and I need you to be with me. Please come and save me! ARRGGGHH….can't get their songs out of my head!"

CJ grabbed his Jetpack and flew to San Fierro. _This shit is fast, but too bad it's got no radio_. He landed on his safehouse in Calton Heights. Then he got another phonecall.

"Yo?"

"CJ….ahaha….how are you coping there…loser?!"

"Catalina, stop disturbing me."

"Carl, Carl…you are a loser sticking up there. What do you have there?"

"Uuh…not much…just a platinum record, five girlfriends or more, some casinos, and total control over San Andreas…is that mute boyfriend of yours making money in Lib City?"

"Haha, in fact we do Carl. We just put up the biggest robbery in history…$7.4 million."

"Oh, still making money the old way. I don't have to put out the gun again you see...and still makin' legit millions"

"Whatever Carl. You're just a pussy, you know? The excitement, the thrill, the joy when you can shout at weeping grown men and making them begging for their lives…just like you in the woods."

"Alright, so you and Mute robbed something. Big deal. Enjoy your money. Uh, is that siren that I heard? Yo Catalina, the police are knocking on your door, bitch!"

"Shut up, dickhead! We've put the blame on some Irish! The police have caught them; while now I and the loverboy are safe…ready to make love…"

CJ hung up. He drove his Banshee to Katie's place.

"Carl! Thank god!" Katie leapt to him and they kissed.

"Yo baby. Sorry for the wait. Urgent business."

"Argh, we have to get out of this place…have you been to Bayside?"

"Yeah,"

"We should stay there and see the marina in the morning,"

They had dinner at Katie's favorite place and drove north. They rented a place in Bayside and had good hot coffee there. In the morning they spent precious time in the marina. Then Woozie called.

A minute later, CJ hung up and turned to Katie. "Wanna go to Venturas?"

Once more, CJ forgot about Denise Robinson.


End file.
